“I have been meaning to talk to you… I have a request,” she said suppressing her overwhelming emotions. “Can you talk to the girls about the importance of the ‘mother and daughter’ relationship?” Fighting back her tears, she struggled to speak. “You know…. we were very close…me and my daughter…. we were friends…best friends…. but now she has become indifferent towards me and doesn’t want to share anything…I don’t know why, I’ve tried everything…. I can’t seem to reach her.” Saying this she burst into tears.
This was one of many heart wrenching incidents that I have come across where parents feel a drastic tear between them and their children. The most evident, expressive and apparent relationship is between a mother and her daughter. This mostly starts off as a bond between the two but due to various reasons it weakens, breaks or in some cases is destroyed.
I have been a firsthand witness to relations who have gone through a complicated life because this important connection is missing from their lives. However, the consequences vary from situation to situation. Therefore, one cannot place a finger on the core problem and cover it under a blanket statement.
Nevertheless, there is no problem for which Allah (subhanahu wa ta’alaa) has not given a solution. First, we need to understand what the problem is. Second, we need to ask ourselves if we consider it worth solving? Third, if yes, then how do we solve it? Because sweeping it under the carpet would mean knowingly marching towards destruction.
Why do we have relationships? To feel worthwhile, to be nurtured, loved and cared for. What do we want from a relationship? Primarily, a firm relationship rests on the foundations of respect, trust, love, confidence and support.
Generally, the relationship that fits the above mentioned criteria is experienced between friends. Friendship is the only relationship that we are not compelled to establish, this allows us a choice and we carefully pick and choose likeminded people to befriend. Whoever ‘clicks’ with our personality is worthy enough to be our BFF or best friend forever or bestie, terms most commonly used by youngsters.
As per the general criteria, who is a ‘best’ friend? Someone who cares the most about you, who is always there for you regardless of the situation, conditions and circumstances, who tries to understand you, who wishes the best for you and is always eager to help you, someone who fears for your loss and is there to rectify your situation where you are prone to harm, someone who wishes the best for you and helps you work towards it and who loves you selflessly and unconditionally. Above all, despite being aware of your shortcomings they stick around and put up with your weaknesses while helping you through life.
A BFF is not the one who expresses what you want to hear and is there to support you in whatever you do because she wishes you to be happy in life.
Instead, a true bestie is the one who says what is better for you and is there to correct you when you go wrong regardless of your reaction towards her.
She is there to connect you to the true source of everlasting happiness, your Creator, by showing you the light amidst darkness and the positive among the negative. She is there to guide you to the source of all khair, so you may rise from your chaos and misery and recognize the beauty of life.
Who in your opinion truly comes up to the criteria of being your bestie? Before your mind starts scrolling down the list of your friends to pick the most worthy out of them all, let me remind you that really this best friend of yours is someone who lives somewhere in the background of your life, and that is your mother.
She is the one who has been and probably still is doing all this and more for you just to put a smile on your face. She in reality is that ‘insignificant’ friend who is ready to trade the world to purchase everlasting happiness for you, if she could.
Remember the last time you felt despair and how things took a U-turn and it all worked out in the end. It was because of this friend’s secret pleas and duas that did wonders. It was not because your ‘best’ friend at school or college listened and agreed with your complaints about the whole situation that helped you through, it was this ‘insignificant’ friend who found ways to make it happen, (by the will of Allah).
Instead of lending her shoulder for you to cry on, she was there to help you regain your strength so that you may never feel the need to cry in front of anyone except your Creator.
Remember the times when she tries to approach you and you give her a deaf ear assuming her concern to be an irritating lecture. How you coldly switch off even before she has offered any advice because you have conditioned yourself to believe that no matter what she says it has to be against you just because you think that she does not understand you. While giving others an opportunity to express their opinions and showing your respect for what they believe in, did you show a little compassion towards her views, opinions, and beliefs?
Being your unacknowledged but true best friend, she does not only overlook your indifferent behavior towards her, she empathizes with and justifies it for you. She wishes for you to be happy not only in dunia but in akhirah and such a friend is a blessing that is there to escort you to Jannah, bi izn Allah.
This article was published on Hiba Magazine’s blog, first.